Beermachine 2013

 With a hiss a roar and a flipping of the bird Beermachine had begun. Luke paced anxiously back and forth while Andrew made his toast for breakfast and washed it down with the first beer of the day. Tim whined about how crap the mountain king was and Alan sat around thinking about anything other than warmachine because his list played itself, he really was just there to move it around and roll dice. As I prepared my lists Glenn showed up late and filled out the 8th place so I could stand around and drink Gin and Tonic all day.

There were 8 competitors and 6 factions represented:

Circle championed by Andrew and Luke
Skorne/Gators annexed/disowned by JS
Trolls trawled by Tim
Mercs hired by Glenn
Cygnar heralded by Josh and Damon
and Cryx who enslaved Alan to physically move them across the table.

 

I believe unintentionally JS may have given Luke an awkward game. I'm not sure why I just picked up that vibe. On the far table the Winner of the tournament is about to auto pilot over Andrews circle list. Ouch.

Product placement.

 I was considering 4 rounds but 3 was enough, especially since JS appeared about to snap after the second. The photo of the game above was the infamous one where he claimed to roll, or roll equivalent to 3 trip ones in a row.
Sometimes dice just screw you, sometimes they bend you over penetrate you in all manner of unpleasant ways and then jizz in your eye.

 Gentlemanly gentlemen go about a literal blue on blue match. Swans vs Cygnets maybe? To be honest I don't remember who won but its a whole lot of Cygnar and looks about as boring as goose poop to me.

Glenn's face says it all really.

Throughout the games I also kept a tally of what I called Bitch Points. These were awarded to players who inordinately complained about their list, dice rolls or general bad luck.  I realised as a TO its a giant douche of a move to do and may be seen as an effort to contain uncontrollable raging and force people to have more amicable games. However I merely did it because I'm a giant douche.

In the end once people learn about it I think they did control their rage, and for some it was probably not a good idea. I am now sure of that many of us play games, just so we can rage about things. Its an important psychological benefit to be able to purge negative pent up energy. Even if all the negative energy you have is about how crap the Mountain King is or how bad the Dice raped you the act of raging about it restores balance, catharsis. I miss not doing Judo because of the violent outlet it gave me and for many people their sports and hobbies are probably the same, I was much calmer when I got to strangle people and throw them around the room. It appears we males all need our moments of controlled and regulated violence or we may just pop.

 So anyway who won

Alan first. Awarded with the Peanut of first place

Josh second. Awarded with the Peanut of second place

No third place cause I'm useless

Peanut of Assassination awarded to Glenn (fastest assassination)

Peanut of the Destroyer awarded to Josh (most kill points)

Peanut of the Tactician awarded to Luke (most scenario points)

Groin Guard of the Defeated (box) awarded to JS for constantly getting kicked in the nuts.

Most Bitch Points was pretty close. I should say you could only make 5 points per game. 3 players maxed points on their first game and then only scored 1 or 2 more points in the subsequent ones. A part of the scoring also went into if you bitched about something, and then went on to win with it. For this fact
Awarded to Tim. His whining over the Mountain King ended up edging out Damon's particular rage over bad dice just before he beat JS who had worse dice. I think his Mountain King did rather well and with more sound tactical application (using him and learning him more and not given the forums any credit) it will do him well.

Overall it was a blaring success, many hangovers were had by all and the pizza that Andrew shouted us did not cause one bout of diarrhea, well done. Everyone had fun apart from JS who will either never play again or murder the neighbors in his sleep. Sorry JS, next Beermachine acquiring Bitch Points will be encouraged not discouraged, and you'll be able to rage as much as you like.