Tally recording wins and loses, from games recorded on blog, since september 2014 and from certain memory over the last 3 years. (Beyond 3 years I just dont remember any games out of a 5 year history) of course its not ALL of my games but as much stunning victories and crushing defeats as I care to remember.

pVyros, W11 -L4 -. Assassin 10.
eVyros, W4 - L5. Assassin 3.
Rahn, W8 -L8. Assassin 6.
Garyth, W11 - L3-. Assassin 7.
Ravyn, W9 - L3-. Assassin 9.
Kaelyssa, W9 - L4- Assassin 6.
Ossyan, W13-L10-. Assassin 6.
Issyria,W15 - L1-. Assassin 9.
Thyron, W1 - L0 Assassin 1.

Sunday, February 24, 2013

pVyros Batrep 1 T.C.O.W Makes you go OOooooh.

After stunningly crushing the Galleon I took it upon myself to take the opportunity to stomp as many noobs as possible with my own Colossal, thus proving the superiority of the Hyperion. I lined up a game with a learner who just got killed by a Siege foxhole + feat trick. (who gets killed by those these days? geeze)

My list:

Min Halbs + UA + Souless
Storm Fall Archers
2 Arcanists
Lanyssa Ryssyll (My Nyss Myssys)

Sweet camera blur app available on the Samsung Galaxy Mini s7
 His list:

Marenus Calgar (pButhcer) Proxied with pButcher
Terminator Assault group (Full Bombadiers) Proxied with Bombadiers
Terminators with Thunder Hammers and Storm Shields (Shocktroopers) Proxied with Shocktroopers
3 Dreadnuaghts (Marauder, Berzerker, Juggernaut.) Proxied with a Marauder, Berzerker and Juggernaut.
President Nixon the Poodle (War Dog) Proxied by a War Dog.
Jack "Here's Johnny!" Nicholson (Yuri the Axe) Proxied by Yuri the Axe 
Abraham"Gaybar!" Lincoln the Zombie Slayer (Man Hunter) Proxied by a Man Hunter 

By the way if you don't want to follow those links you really need to see the Gaybar one, really... really.


First two turns was all positioning and faking each other out, smack talk and telling the noob how to play the game (teaching him rules like his Berzerker cant be marshaled and in a battle group at the same time.)
With some deft positioning only achieved with the level of skill someone as veteran as myself could have perfected I rolled 6's on both of my strafe shots. My Colossal was also perfectly in range to shoot at all 3 of his jacks,
The Halberdiers ran up and spread out and my opponent was dumbfounded at the strategy behind this tactic.

The Bombadiers are so busy trying to cover their ears with their overly sized metallic gloves that they cant hear the order to charge the source of incessant Wailing.

He walks forward? maybe? Hard to tell his army moves so slowly. Yea the Zerker on the right has advanced and flailed about and... where did Abe go?

So I tried to roast President Nixon with Star Fall shots but the fire went out, darn unflammable presidents. . On the right flank the Halberdiers got stuck in doing nothing, which is their want. In the center its become apparent that the Banshee and Hyperion have killed all that stuff. Lanyssa Hunters Marked a jack and left the Banshee charge it, the Banshee and Hype had 2 focus each. The Bombadiers moved up and put some damage on the Banshee and Vyros responded by feating and running the Aspis into the zone.
The Storm Fall Archers given up on Poodle BBQ shot up some Bombadiers and fed Hyperion and the Banshee focus. The Banshee killed the rest of the stuff it could reach and opened up a charge lane for the Hyperion to go and wallop the Butcher one.

Hey look its that Man Hunter...

 So pButcher is no slouch, he took the Hyperion to the face and retorted with "Please Sir may I have some more?"
pButcher Furies himself and charges Hype, despite somewhat arse damage rolls he Half kills it.

No problem tho, Hype Power Attack Pimp Slap's Butch into the Tank trap (hutch dresser) and the Banshee finishes him off. Something happened to Nixon too....

And Scyrah was safe again from Diabolic Dick Shrinking Devilry.


  1. I'm glad no one other than Luke reads this

    1. To be honest I didn't even know it existed until the other day

    2. By "didn't even know it existed" you meant "went viral" right?

  2. I read it on occasion, though I find it quite comparable to the music video for original gaybar song.

  3. By comparable you mean as relentlessly awesome as the original right?

  4. Chris Russell is to Warmachine what David Duchovny is to acting.

    1. That's the best compliment ever. Ever since I used to stay up watching Red Shoe Diaries and the X-Files,David Duchovny has been my hero!

  5. Fun report - I didn't understand most of it but someone clearly won and the guys playing X-Wing were likely enjoying themselves so looks like everything worked out in the end.

    Those terminators are really blending in with their awesome all-white paint scheme.